(I've tried to organize this post as cohesively as possible but I understand that there is a lot of stuff here so sorry if it's kind of disjointed)
My Grandmother - 71f - and I - 22f - used to be quite close when I was a child. I would spend most weekends at her house, we went on regular outings, and she was the one who really encouraged my love of reading and my silly little writings when I was younger.
Now is a much different story.
There is no question about if she's dying just a waiting game of when she will. Her only leg is infected that they are talking about amputating (she refused to go to the doctor until we made her go), out of control diabetes (600 will get a shrug from her and she refuses to take insulin), stage 5 kidney failure, and a yeast infection that she refuses to go to the doctor about.
I suppose that I do resent her for the fact that most of these conditions could've easily been managed/treated if she would've went to the doctodone what the doctor had said but that's not the root of the resentment.
The root of the problem is so much more insidious and a lot harder to talk about. For the past six years me and my mother have been taking care of her. This is after she broke her other foot, let it get infected past the point of no-return, and had to get it amputated up to her knee where the infection had spread to.
The past six years I know that me and my mother haven't been perfect. There has been a lot of tension (especially during quarantine) and we've all had our blow ups at each other.
I will say though that we've taken the very best care of her that we could. I've taken days of school to take care of her when my mom simply couldn't miss work. We've both bandaged wounds, changed diapers, bathed her, etc, etc. I don't resent her for any of that because I love her and she deserved/deserves to live with as best quality as life as can be provided.
I suppose that maybe the resentment began when she missed my graduation (2017) to go the Casino for ten hours. It only intensified when during my LPN schooling she constantly questioned my choice to go into the healthcare profession. When I had to leave LPN school (two months from finishing) to help her I was met with a "Well maybe you can find something that won't require so much brainpower that will suit you better."
I could still forgive her though because I simply decided that her advice/opinion simply wasn't true and maybe I had taken it the wrong way.
I got into a Respiratory Therapy program during the fall of 2019 and was over the moon. My grandmother was obviously less excited then anybody else but had the good grace not to say anything. Well we can all guess what happened in early 2020 that shut down my campus and meant that we couldn't go to our on-site clinicals.
I was upset about not getting to go but understood why. My entire family (minus me) is immunocomprised in one way or the other. My mother has COPD (from ARDS) and footdrop. My father is a diabetic and had rocky-mountain-tick fever. My sister had lymes. We're all anywhere from moderately to morbidly obese. We all took the pandemic seriously and bunkered down in our shelters to outwait the storm.
We've all been bored but been as reasonable as we can.
Everybody but my grandmother. She's always been a gambling addict but it became an obsession during quarantine. Her previous lack of motivation to do any type of chore became an outright refusal to even make her own bed. Her strength (already not great) went completely downhill as she wouldn't do anything but gamble online.
It got to the point that we would fake internet outages just so she wouldn't blow all of her money. My parents - both unemployed - would pay the bills and she would promise to pay them back only to blow her next paycheck again. This was a cycle that we all talked to her about and got screamed at for.
We all basically did our best to get scarce much to her obvious anger. This lead to the time she demanded that I take her to the bakery and I politely said that I wouldn't. When she pressed me I admitted that I was worried about her blood sugar. This lead to a twenty - five minute lecture where she basically told me that I was trying to control her and that I was going to become like every other healthcare worker - an idiot.
Now that got my goat and I refused to speak to her for about a week but convinced myself to get over it.
Then the real kicker happened. When the casinos opened back up she screamed at us until we took her. I said that I flat - out wouldn't take her.
It was as if a nuclear bomb went off. Every single bad thing that she's ever thought about me came flying out of her mouth and struck me straight in the heart. She called me pretty much ever unkind quality in the book. Selfish, spoiled, arrogant, hateful, righteous. You name it. She insulted not only me but my mother (a druggie aka has chronic crippling pain that has only gotten worse since taking care of her), my father (a useless bastard, he has such low-self esteem from her and her shitty husbands that he's scared of messing up when making a pizza), my sister (an Indian bitch, she's half - choctaw and isn't my father's biological child something that's always rubbed my Grandma the wrong way) and several of my friends.
I had my own say back where I pretty much told her that she could fucking shove her cane up her ass and maybe when she pulled it back out her head could come with it.
Our relationship has never been the same since. I've never told my family any of what she said about them and I don't ever intend to. I help her just the same as I always would and she seems to think that I've forgiven/forgotten the whole thing.
Instead it just festers in me all the time. I want to try and let go of the resentment because her days might be numbered in days instead of weeks but I simply don't know if I'll be able too.
I don't know if I came her for advice to how to help me let go, improve our relationship or if i simply just want some kind words while I try to grieve, help, and overcome at the same time.
Thank you for your time.
submitted by Guys, I know its a common question but did not get any satisfactory answer online.
Visited Winstar and Choctaw, both have 50 cents ante on BJ games. Agreed for high stakes it wont matter but for 5$ it is substantial. Any BJ in Oklahoma where no ante? Need casino names. Also, do let me know if any days are no ante days.
Cheers!
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